I wonder how your day was. I picture you according to the
vivid visualizations you feed me exasperatedly. You scramble intently up the
side of a helicopter, face grimacing, hands clenching down on life itself as
you struggle to find some security during the climb. You laugh joyously with
your new friends, the ones you feared you would never make, for what reason I
can’t contemplate, your reasoning forever lost to my assumptions. Your hair
whips back fiercely, stealing the light from the descending sun, the energy
matching the fire in your seductive, ferocious eyes, and I long to bathe in
that light another night. I remember the evenings we spent huddled around the
warmth of a lit cigarette, dead to the world yet alive in our exile. Confined to
base egregiously and unjustly for a crime you didn’t commit, you stood
steadfast with inhuman grace and inspiring resoluteness, showing yourself to be
stronger than I could ever be. You praised me for standing by you throughout
the unjust ordeal, yet I beg you, where would I go? Half of my heart was stolen
from me, dangled in front of me by its captors; my appetite agonizingly whetted
yet refused satiation for weeks on end. My daily reveries take me on a welcome,
enticingly nostalgic stroll along our memory lane, from gazing into each
other’s eyes intensely while enveloped in moonlight to our illicit encounters
behind locked doors, exciting the rebellious voyeur in me and the relentless
nymph in you. My beautiful girl.
Time is fickle and aberrant, and each succeeding tick on the
ever present clock stalking me of late is another strand of rope holding the
guillotine of separation over my quivering head unraveling. This morning I awoke with a start, and was
immediately greeted by tears hovering over my clouded eyes as my vision
resumed. I beheld you fast asleep, an angel wrapped in silk and satin, your
breath the lapping waves carving away the stone and sands on the beaches of my
heart, gradually freeing me from my own ignorance. Incensed, I traversed the
residue of our debaucherously simple occupancy at the Vagabond, and stood in
front of the marble sink. My reflection blinked back at me as if I was beyond
reproach, cursing my weakness. I
splashed refreshing, cool water on my face, and readied myself to face the day.
I gazed back at you longingly, my desire to return to bed and rejoin you nearly
overwhelming. The early morning was frigid and bitter, and you radiated enough
heat for both my weathered body and worn spirit. You always cajoled me for my
uselessness in domestic matters, so in an attempt to atone, I packed the car.
With each slight sound you would stir softly, whimpering or sighing before
turning over and surrendering yourself again to a restful bliss. I worked
diligently, packing our belongings in every available crevasse ergonomically.
Satisfied with my work, I roused you, and was treated to an adorable angry glare.
Rise and shine babygirl, even by the light of the moon. What better scene for
Bonnie and Clyde to make their getaway?
I hold your heart delicately in both hands, and I handle it
with more care than I give to my own well-being at times. I deliberate daily on
how I will deal with the inevitable pain, the scalding burn of removal, and the
overwhelming sense of returning alienation. I told you in the past that we were
drifters by nature, unable to commit and hesitant to settle down. I know now
that those were the words of a fool, blinded from a blessing by his own
barbarity and insolence. I have found my home in the comfort of your arms, and
have been redeemed with grand purpose by the merging of our broken lives.
Forgive me for every indiscretion, real or imagined, your voice more soothing
and salving than that of my own recalcitrant conscience. You’ve re-introduced
me to the world I’d forsaken, one of companionship, partnership, vitality and
love. My dark heart has been illuminated, and my countless shades of grey have eased
back into their shadows, no longer prominent but scarcely present, only to
appear when we both embrace the nocturnal and become reacquainted with the
masks we once wore, the visages we were in danger of being possessed by with
unnerving permanence. I’ll take you in my arms and breathe in your aura, so it
may carry me through the loneliness and solitude, such is our depth, crossing
the vast expanse of the open waters I know so well, and you will come to be
acquainted with. Take my hand and let’s live out our lives before we must die,
reborn into bittersweet existences. Two angels, one pure in spite of her amusing
efforts to appear brooding and corrupted, the other fallen, doubting his own
humanity and poise. Two lovers star-crossed at the crossroads, eternally reticent
and unwilling to part ways, which we never will, especially in spirit.
You’ll read this and cry out in horrific spasms, wondering
what brought such a torrential outpouring of emotion. The power of my feelings
for you threatens to eviscerate my coherence at times, and I lay awake
wondering why fate has brought you to me when I’m destined to leave again. To
me this is a flashback of 2012, when the world was shifting into something
abnormal, a chaotic abyss that would come to evolve into the greatest adventure
of my life. If destiny has brought us together, only to pry us from the grasp
of the other and toss us uncaringly and unflinchingly into the ether, then
surely we will rebound and meet once again. We’ve already agreed on the
specifics, and there is no need to rehash our private indiscretions for a
public ravenous for gossip. I love you, and I beg you not to forget me, for you
can rest assured you will never vacate the special expanse that you occupy in
my heart. No matter what the future brings, hold tight to what we’ve taught
each other, and ensure that we never lose contact, which is unfeasible anyway,
considering that we are joined at the hip, figuratively and very soon literally
by the blessing of indelible ink. I love you baby. Sweet dreams.